Deep Conversations
The global pandemic
has demanded the evolution of new skills sets to enable a business and individuals
get successfully through this season. The demands of the “New Normal” include
working at home, up-scaling your online capability and managing health risks. However,
at the heart of these changes is the need for “deep conversations” as outlined
in my previous article on Business Recovery.
Situation
A situation
requiring a deep conversation is one in which BOTH parties stand to lose greatly
in the event that an agreement is not reached to salvage a relationship. It is
also needed when an impasse on the way forward will result in huge damage to both
parties. A “win” for one party will not result in a gain for the winning party.
Constrained
circumstance
The need for deep
conversations arise in constrained, contained environments with limited options
or freedoms of gain. Such a situation is where two inmates are limited to one
room. The two are constrained to use one blanket, one toilet and share whatever
little else is available. If no agreement is reached, there will be a foul
smell in the room that threatens the existence of both. The constrained
circumstances imposed by the pandemic is evident in business between landlords
and tenant, loanees and banks and other sectors wrestling to survive in limited
market conditions.
Collaboration
In constrained
circumstances, winning an argument or trying to get the upper hand in a discussion
will not result in material gain. Neither does losing the argument open up opportunity
to seek other options. While arriving at a win-win position may sound like
ideal, the strongest outcome of this discussion will be collaboration in sharing
the burdens of mitigating the impact of the pandemic during the COVID season. In
order to engage successful deep conversations, it will be important to observe
the following;
1. Leadership
Acknowledge that
the constrained circumstance requires a head of maturity and plenty of emotional
intelligence. The leader is able to look beyond the challenges of the immediate and
search for a practical resolution of the matter at hand. The leader does not consider
the other to be a personal opponent or instigator of the current environmental
constraints. A dispassionate approach to the issues in the situation is a
realistic place to begin. At least one person, a leader, needs to be willing to take the
risk to engage a deep conversation to resolve issues at hand.
2. Empathize with the hurting.
Second, there is
a need for deep listening to empathize with the fears, emotions, insecurity,
pain, confusion, loss of self-esteem and social mistrust of all parties concerned.
The loss of hope, the indignity of being brought to a position of disadvantage and
loss of personal freedoms renders people extremely vulnerable. Handling such
discussions therefore requires sensitivity and empathy without dismissing the
need to deal with the reality. This internal battle requires courage and
skillful counsel before meaningful and committal discussions can take place. However,
addressing the emotional concerns will redirect emotional energies to look for
creative options and solutions as a way out of the crisis instead of focusing
on the problem.
3. Rational evaluation
Come up with a
rational framework to evaluate the situation and understand its impact. While
the loss of a job is an emotive issue, it is important to discuss the budgetary
and expenditure constraints imposed by that loss. Let there be no room for assumptions. This
deep discussion will inform elements of resolution and collaboration out of the
current constrained circumstances.
4. Core issues
Once both
parties are on the “same page”, a discussion about the core issues becomes less
threatening and distracting in the quest for a way forward. If the central
issue is understood to be “no money”, then the discussion can shift to
harnessing the wisdom, diversity and available knowledge from respected
authorities to address the pertinent issues and determine the way forward. This
deep discussion will yield possible solutions both palatable and unpalatable in
the context of a working relationship between two parties.
5. Resolution
The development
of a resolution framework is really a discussion of creative options,
innovative opportunity and some measure of experimentation, building trust and
taking care of each other’s interests. This deep negotiation session is necessary
to establish the best option for both parties. However, this is different from
the regular bargaining in that there is a consideration to both share risk and
hope for the future. It is an optimistic negotiation in good faith rather than
an antagonistic or competitive bargain to get the most out of the deal.
6. Establish collaboration
The successful
negotiation will engender a sense of partnership and joint venture. In this
regard, the collaboration will undertake to share roles and responsibilities,
establish points of check-in and review measures. It will also allow for
consultation, feedback, raising red flags and incorporate a structure to
discuss preventive measures in unfolding circumstances. This collaboration maintains
a survival code that says “your success is our success” in an environment of
mutual respect. However, a very strong collaborative relationship can be established
on pessimistic premises as well. Most bank loan projections are based on evaluating
the “worst case” scenario and forming agreements that enable both parties to
pay due attention to mitigating concerns.
7. Agreement
As the agreement
is launched both parties take on acceptable risks and commit to work hard to
ensure that the levels of trust invested in the collaboration is not breached. It
could be that a loanee can miss an installment due to personal situations that
were not envisaged when the negotiations were taking place. Therefore, a three
months limit is set to secure both parties from injury in the collaboration.
Nonetheless, the agreement is a document that safeguards the interest of both
and outlines a working road map on the way forward.
In conclusion,
like every thing else in life, there are no guarantees. This framework cannot
be forced into a fixed timeline. A deep conversation is a work in progress. The
motivation to keep working at it is that by working at it, both parties will
overcome the constrained yoke of their circumstances.
Useful reading
Binstock, L. (1969). The Power of Maturity. New York:
Hawthorn Books.
Bukusi, A. D. (2018). How to Lead Corporate
Transformation. Nairobi: Management Decision Information.
Fischer, R., & Ury, W. (1991). Getting to Yes. New
York: Penguin Books.
Goleman, D. (2013). What Makes a Leader; Why Emotional
Intelligence Matters? (Kindle edition): More than sound.
Kouzes, J. M., & Posner, B. Z. (2012). The
Leadership Challenge. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMIllan, R., &
Switzler, A. (2002). Crucial Conversations. New York: McGaw Hill.
Stone, D., Patton, B., & Heen, S. (1999). Difficult
Converstions. London: Penguin Books.
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